'm noticing that these reports about Moore are triggering painful memories far worse, than the incidents being discussed. It's frustrating to me, to see people genuinely hurt by what may turn out to be a propaganda coup. So I wanted to discuss the dynamics.
K. I don't volunteer information about the weirdness of my childhood. There honestly isn't much point. Suffice it to say that, while I was blessed to avoid "serious" or "routine" physical or sexual abuse, I had more of a sampler platter of abuse from almost all of the principle adults in my life, beginning before I could walk.
o let's talk about adults interested in teens. This isn't automatically "abuse," but with a meaningful age difference it is definitely exploitation. Short advice for the curious: just don't. It's that simple, for a number of reasons. Primarily the fact that she's going to grow up-- probably fast-- and see right through you, while you'll still be unable to handle adult relationships. Or you'll just keep stammering and shaking around adolescent bodies. Either way, don't lie to yourself. At twelve and thirteen, I looked at these agitated men and thought, "I haven't come into my own yet, but when I do, I will scare the hell out of you." At seventeen, I ended up in a relationship with a brilliant and troubled young man in his 20s, whom I eventually married. He had always dated girls in their teens. The failure of that relationship had everything to do with decisions which were made, specifically the *refusing to grow up,* which made adolescents so relatable (and by the age of 23 my bosom was already passé, which I refused to feel bad about, as there wasn't anything I could do about it).
In late adolescence, whether the relationship is harmful to the adolescents involved depends a great deal on other factors, most importantly consent. But it's a bad idea for obvious reasons, even where it is legal.
Most of these accounts about Moore are not abuse. Hopefully you'll understand that this is not an endorsement of dating teens, but he seems to have outgrown it without being a true predator. The account of the groping of the 14 year old is an outlier and comes at a highly suspect time. That doesn't mean I don't believe her; it means that I don't know what to believe.
What really matters is the people who are carrying terrible burdens of far worse memories, being hurt by these allegations. For that, I have tremendous compassion. It's really true, that living well is the best revenge. It's enough, and usually, it has to be enough. Live well, friends.